


Watching You Without Me

by bete_noir



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, M/M, Separation Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 10:36:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1741637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bete_noir/pseuds/bete_noir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written from Carlos point of view post episode 47/48. </p><p>Carlos can see and hear everything happening to Cecil while stuck in the house that doesn't exist, but cannot communicate with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching You Without Me

**Author's Note:**

> Damn those days that I'm not seeing patients! I was sitting in my office listening to Kate Bush and this happened. It's not perfect, so don't be too harsh. It's just a weird mash up of a song stuck in my head and Cecilos angst. The italicized bits of text are the songs lyrics. 
> 
> Kate Bush - Watching You Without Me... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZO8Gsy-EWKQ&feature=kp
> 
>  
> 
> *********************************************************

***********************************************************************************************************************************

I’m so lost, Cecil. I’ve been thinking a lot. Thinking of how to get out of here. Where "here" is, what "here" is...

 

_you can't hear me_

 

More specifically, how to get back to you. I’ve been sciencing the hell out of this weird not -a-place. Would you believe that science works less reliably here than it does in Night Vale? This place is something out of a nightmare. The colors are wrong, the plant life is wrong, there is no life here; merely things that I cannot touch. I can see them, I can hear them; but I cannot be seen or heard.

 

_you can’t hear me_

 

It looks a little like our desert…. looks like Night Vale could be right here, but I’m in a place where Night Vale doesn’t exist… or I don’t exist. Existence is tricky.

 

 

_you can’t hear me_

 

I’m fine….. just like you said, a scientist is always fine, but I miss you so fucking much.

 

_you can’t hear what I’m saying to you_

 

Can you see me? I haven’t learned the tricks Dana knows. I found her, but she can’t see me or hear me. 

 

 _You watch the clock Move the slow hand_  

 

How long has it been? Time doesn’t work here either.

 

_I should have been home_

 

I can see you. I can hear you.

 

_hours ago_

 

Why can’t you feel me right beside you? I know you can’t, scientifically speaking; but emotively speaking……. can’t you feel me? That little breeze you barely feel on your skin? You just brushed my hand away like a stray hair tickling your face, that was me touching you....but I'm not there. I am here. Yet I’ve been with you the whole time. I managed to find you when I realized my team was gone and I'd be stuck here.

 

_You can’t feel me_

 

It must be a different plane of reality. This is reality, isn’t it? I could always rely on you to know the difference. I always get lost in hypotheticals. I'm lost without you. 

 

_here in the room with you now_

 

From the time the Strex "security" took you from your broadcast, I've been by your side. When you were sedated, I tangled my fingers in your hair; I even pulled your hair! Nothing happened in response. 

 

_You don’t hear what I’m saying, do you?_

 

I whispered in your ear that it would be alright, I promised I’d be back beside you soon. I told you about the ways I’ve tried making it back. I know I’m getting closer.

 

_can’t let you know what’s been happening_

 

I watched you at the "Company Picnic", Cecil, it broke me. I am so useless here. I saw you close to giving up; without a doubt you’re one of the strongest people I know…. I watched you try and then watched you give up, and I just wanted to hold you, to comfort you. I tried and you didn’t feel me.

 

_I’m not here any more_

 

When Dana brought you through the old oak door, into the strange desert…. I was there. I KNEW you’d see me!

 

_but I’m not here_

 

Why can’t you see me? Why can’t Dana see me? I was right there…. I exist, don't I?  I’m here. I touched your face. I screamed your name over and over until my voice was spent.

 

_don’t ignore me,_

_don’t ignore me,_

_let me_

 

I watched you meet Dana’s Army of Masked Warriors and the Erikas; they didn’t see me either. You were so distraught to see the angels. How can you see them…. and not see me?

 

 _you don’t hear me_  

 

You saw so much Cecil, but you don’t see me. Where am I? Where are you? I want to touch you again.

 

_help me, baby!_

 

I was there right beside you when you brought Khoshehk back to the studio.

 

_help me, baby!_

 

I was rubbing your shoulders when you spoke on the air; the first time in so long. Oh how I miss you speaking to me.

 

_talk to me!_

 

I don’t want to be a ghost in your life dammit, Cecil, don’t you feel me? Listen for me.

 

_listen to me!_

 

I watch you work now and check on our loved ones. Did you know that even like this we have a routine? I watch you put on a brave face for the other citizens of Night Vale. Beautiful, stoic Cecil. The worst, though is watching you when you think you're alone. Sometimes you talk to me, as if I am still there. I love that, I always answer you but you never hear me. That's when you sit down on the bed and sigh and it's so lonely, our bed. Our empty bed. You look just as lost as I am now. You weep every night, and I try to curl up against you and hold you. I'd do anything to take the choice to enter that house back. Eventually you move to the couch with one of my lab coats as a blanket. It's not fair, is it? 

 

_listen to me!_

 

I want to be a hero, the kind you spoke about. I want to find you again Cecil. I swear, I’ll stay right beside you in this ghost existence until I can be by your side in the same reality. I’ll find a way.

 

 _Please baby, talk to me_.

 

Tell me you feel me. Tell me you know I’m beside you.

 

 _you can’t hear me_.

 

You must know that I am holding you right now...

 

  _just watching you without me…._


End file.
